Tuesday, November 19, 2013

It Isn't Your Fault.

I got a comment from somebody Anonymous yesterday, and as I started to reply, I decided to write up a post instead. Because a little comment wasn't enough. And because so many people struggle with similar issues like this one.

Before I start, can I just say that no matter who you are, where you come from, how old you are, what you've done, or if you're a boy or a girl. Your welcome here.
I've noticed that people assume these issues are something girls go through. Boys have feelings too. It's okay to be upset. To love. To cry. To struggle with something. All you boys out there are more than welcome here.

We all have bad days. We all struggle with something every now and again. Whether it's parents divorcing, friends turning on you, bad accidents... You get the idea. It isn't your fault. No matter how you act, how angry or happy you make your parents, if they aren't happy together, they will divorce. But it has nothing to do with you. You can't blame yourself. They just weren't happy together anymore.

It's the same thing with loosing your friends. If you know you made a mistake and you can identify it, then apologise to them, and try to gain their trust again. But if you guys just don't get along anymore, don't blame yourself. People change, they mature and grow. They develop different ideas about things. They start wanting different things from life. They start having different goals. Then you maybe won't have anything in common anymore and just don't see a future for your friendship. Some friendships survive a lot, but others don't. If a friendship ends like this, don't blame yourself and feel guilty. Don't let it bring you or your confidence down. There are billions of people on this planet. Are you trying to tell me that you won't find one good, loyal friend out of billions? Go out, smile, be friendly. Meet new people. Just remember to be yourself. You will meet idiots. But you will meet good people too. Meeting idiots means you learn how to deal with them and cut them out of your life. Meeting good people means, hopefully, a start of a healthy friendship. Take a risk!

If you have fake friends who constantly put you down, cut the friendship. In my opinion, this is a form of bullying. Friends aren't meant to make you feel bad about yourself. It's called a toxic friendship. End it! You deserve good friends. People who love you for who you are. People you can trust. People you can talk to about anything. People you can laugh with. People who you're comfortable being yourself around. People who won't judge you. People who have your back no matter what. That's what friendship is about. And you deserve a proper friendship. Don't try arguing with me about that. No matter who you are, no matter what you have done, you deserve another chance. You deserve your own shot at happiness. You deserve good friends. It's okay to be happy and let life look up for you. No one deserves to be unhappy.

Loosing someone you love, seeing someone you love get hurt, witnessing a car accident, or anything like that, please know that it isn't your fault. Don't go around blaming yourself.
"If only I did this.." "If only I was a few minutes early, this wouldn't have happened..."
I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason. No matter how shitty life can get. And how horrible things happen everyday. I honestly believe that there is good in every horrible thing that happened. Anyone can teach themselves to look at the positive things in life. Looking at the negative, you will be unhappy. And to be happy again, you have to change. It's okay to be sad and to cry. But it's not okay to be sad and to cry all the time. Take your time to mourn, to be sad, to cry, to let your feelings out. Then wipe away those tears, tell yourself that you're strong enough to get through this, put a smile on your face and look at the positive thing from your situation. If you can't, focus on life's positive sides.

I'll leave you guys with a beautiful quote:
"The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they find the best in everything they have."
Think about it.

Stay strong.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Dear Sexual Abuse Survivor

"Dear Sexual Abuse Survivor,

I know what it feels like. I know what to feels like to wake up everyday and look at yourself in the mirror and try to accept what has happened to you. Try to fight away the guilt, telling yourself it isn't your fault. Try to convince yourself that it's okay. That you'll soon forget. 

Truth is, you don't. I'm not going to lie. But you don't ever forget. It is permanent scarring. It will always be there. It will always effect you. But you can control it. You can eventually stop jumping and snapping at whoever touches you. For me, it's people who are close to me that effect me most. I can't bear being touched in any way. Especially adults like parents, uncles, aunts... Maybe it's because my abuser is close family. And even though I trust these figures... I just, I don't know. Them touching them makes me feel very uncomfortable and I get those unwanted flashbacks. 

Sexual abuse effects are different in each person. Another effect I hate is how I can't hug my baby sister or any other little kid, or hold them in my lap without feeling like a nasty pervert if I find my hand on their legs, lower stomach...etc. Even though it's completely innocent, I feel uncomfortable. So now, I'd rather just avoid physical contact with little kids. If I lay down on my bed and realise my hand is next to my chest or lower stomach I feel disgusted by myself and quickly pull my hands away. I'm not sure why. But I hate it. One of the worst effects is how I can't have a healthy relationship with anyone. I have a boyfriend now, we've been together for a while now and despite how comfortable I am with him, I can't sleep with him. I get too uncomfortable and if I force myself to go through with it, I feel miserable, depressed, disgusting and guilty for days... sometimes weeks after. And that takes a huge toll on our relationship. I'm terrified I'll never have a healthy relationship. 

I hate what my abuser did to me. I have no confidence, I am depressed, and I'm finding it very hard to move on from it all. I see a therapist who helps me a lot. But it takes so long to get better. I wish I was stronger. I feel sorry that my boyfriend isn't with someone healthy, someone who won't cry herself to sleep if he touches her in the wrong way. Someone who won't freak out if she's standing in the corner of an elevator full of men. Someone who doesn't curse men and their disgusting sexual desires that are supposed to be a natural part of life. A part of life that I just can't seem to accept. 

But I honestly believe, that one day, I will get better. I will be happy again. I will learn how to trust. How to love. How to be strong. Crying helps, writing helps, talking helps, praying helps, music helps, screaming helps. It's a long, hard journey to get better. But it's possible. I promise you. I've spoken to many people who were able to somewhat move on from their traumas. It really is possible.

Keep fighting. Fight hard. It's worth it. Keep in mind that non of what has happened is your fault. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to love and be loved. You really do. Please believe that."

This was emailed to me from a beautiful 19 year old girl, who wishes to remain anonymous. I re-wrote this for her as English isn't her first language. I hope this helps you survivors out there, or helps you to understand other survivors.

Stay strong & beautiful, y'all.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

"I attempted suicide five times."

I am starting up a new Stay Strong Project, where I'm going to be interviewing a bunch of incredibly strong and inspiring people, and sharing their stories with you. Nothing is more inspiring or motivating than real life stories about real people. Just to show you that you're not alone. There is always someone out there who gets exactly what you're going through.

Before we get started, I just want to send out a huge apology for not updating my blog in SO long. It's been nearly 5 months. There is no valid excuse for my laziness and lack of motivation but in my defense, I have been super busy with my engagement and then my exams and then so many other family issues and god knows what else. I will try my best to get back into a routine and keep you all happy while actually writing something worthwhile that hopefully reaches out to everyone struggling and gives them hope or puts a smile on their face.

This is such an inspirational story about such a beautiful 18 year old. I am so excited to share this interview with you.

Hello, thank you so much for willing to do this and help out with this project to inspire so many people. 
Hi! Thanks for letting me be a part  of this amazing project. I am here to share my own experience with bullying and other issues. 
My name is Aines. I am 18, and this is my senior year. I can't say bullying is over for me because it's not, but I am trying to fight back and most importantly STAY STRONG through it all. 

When did the bullying start?
I guess bullying started when i was about 8 years old, at school. I was bullied and tormented throughout most of my school days. 

Did you know why people were bullying you? 
You name it, I got bullied for it. Being one of the smart kids, being poor, not having nice clothes or my own car when I turned 15. I just didn't fit in with the other girls. I never did.

Were you physically or mentally bullied? 
I was beaten up, called names, made fun of, ostracized from most of my peers and was just made to feel like an outcast.

How did the bullying effect you?
They pushed me on lockers, laughed at me, hit me. It made me hate my life and myself. I wanted to just dissapear. I felt worthless, so I started cutting myself and I eventually became depressed..... Until Justin (Bieber) came along. He made me smile and just forget about the bullies. From his music, his interviews, his tweets, he somehow made me realize that there is some hope somewhere out there. He & his beliebers (Justin Bieber's enormous fanbase)  helped me stop cutting, and so did Bring Me The Horizon because Oli sykes always told us that we need to just let it out and remember that bullies are just haters and we can move on and fight back!

Did you stand up for yourself when you got bullied?
It's not that I didn't fight back. I can fight, In fact, I got into four fights in one school year, all on defending myself. However, I had to start fighting off of school grounds because all of this fighting was not looking good on my school record.

Did you ever mention the bullying to your parents or teachers? If yes, have they done something about it?
Yes, I did mention bullying to my parents, but they said you will move on and you will grow up.

How has your depression effected your life?
After I started cutting myself, I started getting more and more depressed and that was hard. It still is. I couldn't even go out. I didn't want to do anything or even see anyone. It's awful.
 What caused you to first attempt suicide? What was going on through your mind?
Some girls sent me an evil letter, telling me I am stupid, and worthless, and that I should die and just give up and kill myself.
That got to me. It pushed me over the edge. I couldn't stop crying for 3 hours straight. Then I got a blade out and cut my left wrist, hoping to bleed to death. I was rushed into the ER, and somehow, I was saved. I tried again. I tried to kill myself five times. 

How do you feel about those bullies today?
I'm not the type to hold a grudge. I'm very forgiving, and I'm cool with many of the folks that bullied me. Many of them have apologized to me and my mother for making my childhood hard. There is no weakness in forgiveness.

Do you have anything or anyone who helps you when you're down?
My faith in God, plus my strong willed nature and Beliebers' support have helped me to overcome my demons from the past. When Justin (Bieber) came along. He made me smile and just forget about the bullies. From his music, his interviews, his tweets, he somehow made me realize that there is some hope somewhere out there. He & his beliebers (Justin Bieber's enormous fanbase)  helped me stop cutting, and so did Bring Me The Horizon because Oli sykes always told us that we need to just let it out and remember that bullies are just haters and we can move on and fight back!

Would you say everything you've been through had made you a better person?
You have to move on, and not let bad moments turn you into a monster. I feel I became a better man as a result of my experiences. It all taught me a lot.

How are you feeling today?
I appreciate everything I have accomplished in life because I have earned it. I could have taken a left turn and ended up dead. But instead, I am a positive, educated, productive member of my society, and I am proud of who I am. Life is full of choices and I was determined at a young age that these mean children were not going to get the best of me. They all most did. But today, they motivate me and continue to do so to this day. 
What advice would you give people who are going through similar troubles as you?
Defend yourself. Stand strong and don't back down. Try to refrain from weapons if possible. Take up boxing or MMA at your local Y, gym, or join a self-defense class. Find an adult you trust to help. This can be a parent, guardian, teacher, coach, pastor or even a positive mentor. Let's end bullying once and for all.

If you want to directly contact Aines, you can find her on twitter: @crownthebiebz. 

Thank you for reading. If you want to submit your story or get interviewed, email me: staystrongyall@hotmail.com or leave your email in the comment section bellow and I will get back to you. 

Stay strong,
You're beautiful, and you better start believing it.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Since when did wanting attention become such a crime?

"She just wants attention."

That ridiculous phrase that everyone seems to say at one point. Since when did it become such a crime to want attention? We are humans. And whether you like to admit it or not, you want attention. It's only natural. We all want to feel loved, noticed and appreciated on different levels.

People wonder why suicide rates are raising like crazy. Those people who kill themselves do want help. They want to talk to someone and they want attention. But because society has made out wanting attention to be such a crime, people are afraid to speak up about how they feel and it will lead to disaster.

No one is an "attention whore", a term used commonly today. We are all different and each people need different levels of attention. It is part of the human nature. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

If you are going to call anyone who opens up, speaks about how they feel, hurt themselves in anyway attention whores and attention seekers, then they are going to get more and more afraid of speaking up and then everything will just get worse for them.

We are humans. We need to talk about how we feel. It's in our nature that we need other people. We can't live completely isolated. Even if it's from just one person, we all want attention. We all want to be noticed.
It's quite sad that when people hear about someone who has an eating disorder or they harm themselves, they say, "Oh, it's just another teenager who wants some attention."

First of all, NO. It's more than just attention. These are seriously, medically recognised mental disorders. Everyone should educate themselves more on these subjects.

Secondly, even if it was about attention, why is that such a bad deal? That person is hurting and they maybe just want somebody to care about them and be there for them.

If that's such a huge crime, then I'm moving to the moon.

If we really want to help people and be there for them. We need to get the idea that everything people do is just attention seeking. We also need to accept that it's normal to want attention. It's part of human nature. If someone needs attention and wants to feel noticed, loved and cared about. Give them some of your attention. It seriously won't hurt!

But keep in mind that some people have attention disorders like ADD. So it would be good to look up on those kind of disorders and educate yourself on them so that you know how to deal with people who suffer from those kind of disorders.

This has turned out to be some kind of rant. I'm sorry if this is short. But yeah, I just wanted to get something out there.

Wanting attention isn't a crime!

Stay strong, guys.
You're so beautiful.

P.S "like" my Facebook page for daily inspirational updates!

Monday, March 18, 2013

I get it.

I get it. I know what if feels like. To feel like you don't even matter to anyone, to feel like nobody wants you around. To feel like nobody wants to talk to you, spend time with or call you their friend. To spend lunch alone listening to music and waiting for it to be over so you can go to class where it looks like you're concentrating, but you just don't have any friends to get distracted by. And it doesn't even matter anyways, because you aren't even paying attention. You're wishing you could be anywhere else but this world, because even the teacher picks on you. Then in gym you put on sweats and a hoodie to hide your scars, even though you're already too hot. You get picked last, again. Then you finally go home and cry or cut and just lay there numb in your room, hoping your parents don't come and make you do stuff. At dinner, you barely eat anything because you feel too fat, even though you aren't. Then finally, you get to go to bed and finally sleep. But not yet, because your thoughts are gonna keep you up for hours, thinking about dying and how no one likes you. How you're pathetic in every way. You finally fall asleep and have a terrible dream. Or a dream about good old memories which makes you want and miss them more more. But you know they're never coming back. I get it.

I just lay in my bed, thinking about everything. Thinking about the people who have walked in and out of my life without saying goodbye. The guys I've liked who have played me, or used me. I think about how dumb I was to get my hopes up too fast. I think about school and how I should try a lot harder. I think about I care about what others think about me. I really shouldn't care because this is me and no one can change that. I think about my family and how close we all used to be, now we're drifting slowly and painfully. I think about later on in life, and how I'm going to turn out. Then I just close my eyes and cry. Cry because of sadness. Because of anger. I'm depressed and it hurts. Especially at night. When I just want life to end.

But then, you get through that phase. After endless nights of crying, hurting, tormenting yourself over something you said or did, you just realise that there is no point. You're a human, you're going to make mistakes. Not everyone is going to accept you. But there'll always be someone who wants to be your friend. You're never alone no matter what you're going through, someone is always there who can understand you. One day, you will realise that you are good enough, you will stop caring about what people think. You finally surround yourself by people who love you and ignore all people who don't like you because, well, that's their problem, not yours!

HEY YOU... yes, you. Stop being unhappy with yourself. You are perfect. Stop wishing you looked like someone else, that person probably wants to be someone else too! Or wishing people liked you as much as they like someone else. Someone completely different likes you! Stop trying to get attention from those who hurt you. They really aren't worth your time. Stop hating your body, your face, your personality, your quirks. Love them. Without those things, you wouldn't be you. And that you is unique. There is no one who is exactly like you. Never has been, never will be. And why would you want to be anyone else? Be confident with who you are. Smile. It'll draw people in. If anyone hates you because you are happy with yourself. Then stuff them! Your happiness will not depend on others anymore. Say to them, "I am happy because I love who I am. I love my flaws. I love my imperfections. They make me, me. And that "me" is pretty darn amazing." they will stop harassing you. They will actually get jealous and want to have the same attitude as you. Just live your life the way you want to. Live your life to make yourself happy. Stop caring about people who want to bring you down. They'll grow up one day and focus on themselves.

Be positive, beautiful. Embrace yourself for who you are. Someone out there thinks you're perfect.

Stay strong, okay?
I'm always here for any of you.
You're so beautiful.

Awesome Teenage Blogger Award!

Hey, guys! 

I've just gotten my very first award ever, and I am so excited and happy. When I first saw the comment about me getting an award, I thought it was spam or just a joke, lmao. I am so happy. 
A big, fat, huge, gigantic, enormous thank you to Fatima Hayat from Craft 360 who  gave me this award. You've made my day, and motivated me to come up with a few blog posts as I haven't been blogging recently!
I would like to thank my shadow for always being there for me, my siblings for annoying the crap out of me, my bed for being such a welcoming friend, my computer for introducing me to the world of blogging, my parents for paying for the internet and most importantly my cat Louis and my dog - wait, I don't even have a dog.
But seriously, thank you, Fatima!

*happy dances*

The rules are:

1. Thanks the person who gave you this award and copy the rules to a new post on your own blog. 
2. Answer the 3 introduction questions and the 4 questions asked by the kind person who awarded you.
3. Tag between 1 to 100 other bloggers aged twenty years or younger.
4. Think of 4 more questions to ask your lucky recipients and inform them that they have won an award!

 Introduction Questions (To help us all to get to know each other!): 

Question # 1
 Which 5 words would you use to describe your personality? Is your blogging personality anyway different from your real-life one?
A: Hmmmm: weird, friendly, shy, bubbly and a pervert. (yes, I just called myself a pervert. I tend to think the nasty side of normal things. sigh.) I'm not exactly sure, but I think my blogging personality is the same as my real-life one. I'm not sure though, to be quite honest.

Question # 2 
Where in the world do you live and who with?
A: I live in Algeria, I live with my mum, dad, five brothers, two sisters and two tortoises. And a cat. Or two. Or three. Or non. Idk.

Question # 3
 When did you start blogging and why?
A: I asked mum to make me a blog when I was like 12 (four years ago, nearly five) or something. I actually thought a blog was facebook and when she made me a blog I was like, "whaaaat, i asked for a blog not this!" when she finally understood that for me facebook was a blog, she sadly said no to me making a facebook account so I decided to just start blogging. I started this blog in November 2012 though. 

Extra Questions (the award winner will redesign these each time):

 Question #4
whats your dream place to live after ten years? and why?
A: I don't really have a dream place. Am I supposed to?I wouldn't mind living with Justin Bieber in ten years though, wherever he'll be living then. Don't judge, I'm awesome okay.

Question # 5
Have you ever done anything dishonest/foolish? Did you learn from it?
A: I can't think of anything right now, but I probably have and probably did learn from it. 

Question # 6
whats your favorite subject and worst subject at school? and why?
A: My favourite subject is Maths because I just love it. It's really fun once you get the hang of it. Worst? Probably history, because I'm a lazy git who never learns anything.

Question #7
 If someone asked you to give them a random piece of advice, what would you say? 
A: Don't let a society stereotype define who you are. Live life the way you want and be happy. 

Now to the nominees. I'll like to pass this blogger award onto:
(this is embarrassing because I actually can't think of a teenage blogger because all the blogs I read are my mum's friends' blogs. this is actually quite sad. I can only think of one.... Sigh. )

Nina Marinkovic she is a hilarious, random, awesome blogger who never fails to make me smile. Everyone should go and check her out! 

And if you're another teenage blogger reading this, feel free to do this, okay? I just don't read lots of blogs, sadly. 

 My 4 questions for you all to answer (plus the 3 introduction questions) are:
  1. If you had one minute to tell the whole world something, what would you say?
  2. What is your all time favourite song and why?
  3. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?
  4. Do you like The Hunger Games? (if you don't, I'm judging you)

P.S if you actually do do this. please drop me a comment, I'd love to read yours! :)

Stay strong, people.
Life is good.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013


"Look up to the sky. This will work well today because the sky is blue. Can you hear the birds singing? Well this is your planet. Whether you believe in God or not it’s pretty flipping brilliant. 
Every time you see something bad, blink again and see something amazing. So, for example: it’s raining. That water has been around since the beginning of time. Those atoms have shifted and changed formation but has been in existence since forever. They’ve seen so many lives and been digested by so many people. And so have you. You are made up of the atoms from stars. 
You are a marvel of fate or chance or whatever you believe in. Trillions of cells make up your body each containing a recipe for you that is unique to anything the world has ever seen. 
You could feel this makes you insignificant, and it does in the scene of things but actually it make you important. You are part of all this whether you like it or not. You’re destined to exist and if any one person is not here the whole world shifts because we all affect each other.
Remember half of you was the winning sperm and no-one can ever take that way from you, not this illness, not anyone. You are YOU. 
You have a brain and most importantly the most amazing thing created so far. Consciousness. 
You’re beautiful, intelligent and you have everything going for you. The world can be yours if you reach out and grab it.
Now smile, you’re ALIVE. And I believe that the purpose of being alive is to be happy and for those around you to be. So as long as anyone is conscious they can be happy because there will always be something to smile about – you’re able to think that. 
So you look at that sky and you say wow."

Stay strong,
I promise, you're beautiful.